Experiencing Conflict & Effectively Managing It

- Think about any disagreements, or conflicts, you have recently experienced or are currently experiencing at work with a supervisor or colleague, or someone in your personal life. Share at least two strategies you have learned about that might help you manage or resolve the conflict more productively, and why these strategies might be effective. For example, could you suggest a compromise? Could you look for a broader range of solutions to your disagreement? Could you use some of the principles of nonviolent communication or the 3 R's to better help you resolve this conflict?

     In my work setting, I have had an ongoing problem with communication to my supervisor. I have found it challenging to address some of the concerns I have about the future of our center without feeling belittled by my boss. Recently, I sat down to compose an email with a list of all of the things that I feel are hurting the school’s reputation for being a quality early childhood program. I am very passionate about what I do, and it pains me to see the school quite literally spiraling downward. In my list of concerns, I offered some ideas that I thought could help the school. I thought this was an effective strategy that could help resolve some of the issues. However, after I sent the email, my boss took over two weeks to respond and talk with me about them. In the two weeks leading up to our meeting, I felt like we were walking on eggshells and she barely spoke to me some of the days.
     When we finally met, she actually criticized my choice of emailing her over meeting with her in person. However, when I told her that I organize my thoughts more clearly in writing, she appreciated it, as I didn’t come storming through her door when frustrated on the day I composed the email. In order to compromise in this situation going forward, I could mix both strategies by bringing my composed list to an in-person meeting with my boss. This would utilize the idea of reciprocity in meeting both our communication needs in resolving further conflicts.

- Also, if appropriate, ask your colleagues for their input and advice regarding, if not specific problems, how they have learned to be more effective communicators as it relates to conflict resolution skills.

     Regarding being a more effective communicator, I learned from my boss in the situation above that she would have appreciated me coming to her first. I can be a more effective communicator by putting my thoughts into writing for myself, and then meeting with people in person as email can sometimes lose the emotional aspect behind the words. 

My Assessment of My Communication Skills & Results from Others

I have to say that for this assignment, I was a bit nervous at how others might perceive my verbal aggressions. This week at work I had an incident with my boss where I felt like I overstepped my boundaries when I was angry by lashing out and doubting her abilities to run our school. I do believe, however, that this was an isolated incident because I have had frustrations with work building up, and it is starting to come out in my daily interactions with my boss.

This assignment was definitely enlightening to see that I don't usually come across as an aggressive speaker to my husband or one of my co-workers. All of the scores put me in the moderate range which states: "you maintain a good balance between respect and consideration for others' viewpoints, and the ability to argue fairly by attacking the facts of a position rather than the person holding that position."

The first thing I came away with from this assignment is to holdback any attacks on one's personal character, even in an argumentative conversation. There are ways to support your position with facts and come away a "winner" without attacking the other person's abilities or self-concept.

The second thing I took away from this is the importance of being a good listener. I think it is very important to others to know that a person is listening to them whole-heartedly. This assignment helped me to see how people-oriented I am in this regard. My husband, a co-worker, and myself all received this result when doing the assessment. Relationship building is important to serving families and children, and this is a positive in my career. It is also a positive in my personal life as I work hard to maintain the relationships I have with friends and family. I will, however, have to be more careful in the amount of trust I put into people. Being people-oriented can have this downfall associated with it.

Communication and Diverse Groups of People

For this week’s assignment, we were asked to think about cultural diversity we see in our colleagues at school, in our neighborhood, in our workplace, and also, possibly, within our family. Then we are to consider all the aspects that make up culture, including race, religion, political affiliation, sexual orientation, varying abilities, and so on.

Here are the questions we were asked to think about:

·       Do you find yourself communicating differently with people from different groups and cultures?

·       If yes, in what ways do you communicate differently?

·       Based on what you have learned this week, share at least three strategies you could use to help you communicate more effectively with the people or groups you have identified.

Diversity exists in all areas listed above. In the workplace, especially, there are different groups of people to communicate with: colleagues, parents, and children. There are definitely different strategies to use in communicating with each of these groups of people.

In interacting with colleagues, it is important to keep an open mind and be attentive while listening to them. It is important to take everything in and ask clarifying questions before passing judgment on a person.

In interacting with parents, it is important to make sure that your tone and body language isn’t “saying” something that would contradict your words. Again, it is equally important to keep an open mind when listening to parents about their child and making sure that you don’t pass judgment based on a parent’s family culture and values.

Thirdly, in interactions with children, it is important to speak at their level and listen attentively to their needs as well. As educators, children learn from us, which includes our body language, tones, and gestures. We have to be able to interact on their level, and promote positive body language and speaking.  

Assumptions about Communication

For this week's assignment, we were asked to record a television program that we do not normally view. I chose the ABC sitcom "Suburgatory." I have to admit, this is not usually even a network I watch for primetime television. When I watched the first 15 minutes with sound-off, I became annoyed with the facial expressions of one of the rich girls in the school and community. At that point, I stopped it and played it again with the sound on. I made several wrong assumptions in the first viewing.

The characters relationships with the sound off were hard to judge and I assumed that the main characters were boyfriend and girlfriend living together in suburbs.
During breakfast, the daughter looks worried. She runs outside to see panic  among the members of this community. I noticed this by the worried looks on the neighbors and victims faces. The next assumption I made was when the main male character meets a male acquaintance for lunch, his wife was also joining them. In the next scene, the show cuts to a school cafeteria, high school or college aged students attend. It is clear there is a "popular" girl who gets up to speak to the student body. I couldn't tell what it was about because her expressions showed no emotion whatsoever. In the next scene, the father/daughter are having dinner when the "popular girl" and her mother show up at the father and daughter's house. Without sound, I assumed the mother in this relationship was leaving her husband and needed a place to stay. The girl and her mother start moving their things into the space where the father/daughter duo keep their belongings. It was clear that both the father and his daughter were annoyed with this by the expressions on their faces as well as gestures. This is where I stopped watching to turn on the sound.

Once I turned on the sound, I realized the following:
The duo at breakfast is a father (George) and daughter, Tessa  (this explains the lack of communication between the two of them at breakfast, as teens and their parents generally don't get along in the teenage years). In the lunch scene, I realized that all 3 adults present were only acquaintances. The woman that appeared that sat with George and his friend explained that she was concerned for her safety due to the break-in that occurred in the community and her husband went out of town. Once in the school cafeteria scene, I assumed correctly about Dallas (the popular, rich girl) but had no idea she was accusing Tessa of stealing the expensive dolls that were taken in the break-in. That to me stood out as a microagression of classism because Tessa came to the suburbs from New York City. In the next scene, where the Dallas and her mother Dalia show up at George & Tessa's, the two make the home theirs. They are shown moving their belongings into George and Tessa's rooms. This makes both characters feel uneasy. Dalia explains that she just wants somewhere to stay so she can feel safe while her husband is out of town. Tessa is very upset that these two women have barged into her home and has to follow Dalia's rules.

I think had I known the background of the characters better, I would have been less judgmental just based on what I saw in the first viewing. Once you follow a show for a while, you understand the characters' mannerisms, body language, gestures, and speech. I definitely could have done better in my first viewing if I knew even the plot and background of the show. It's interesting to see how the spoken word can make gestures, mannerisms, and facial expressions mean something different.